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a HELL of a time for me to leave my journal in ithaca...   
03:52am 21/11/2007
mood: blank
...or else i wouldn't be writing in this thing

so, once again, i'm where i usually am.

stuck in the "friend zone," with no hope of escape.

i really wish i cared enough to write about it right now, but i don't, so here's to me.

you could have just told me, i wouldn't have been upset, but now?

now, i'm pissed.

at you, not the situation.

i want the best for him; he's great, and i'll never think any differently about him.

you, however. you are a piece of work my friend, and you deserve everything that's coming to you.

why am i not in london?

click it...worth reading.. it's  long, but do it.

night yall.

you may hear from me soon. xoxo

"they're all different names for the same thing..."
we'll have better days and getaways...   
01:37am 19/05/2007
mood: contemplative

havn't written in this thing in ages.

just updated my real journal, so i figured may as well hop on here.

i miss you. a lot.

anywhoo... life is okay.. ready to go to forestburgh, but i don't wanna miss the amazingness that is new orleans in the summertime.

i'm feeling really funny right now, and i don't know why... well i do, but i can't say it here.

just pretty much wanted everyone to know that i'm alive and well, just never really had time to update in here. here's the reader's digest version:

- I'm 20 now...i'm offically going to graduate from ithaca's mt program, yay being continued. ps - i adore the 5 other people who will be graduating with me more than life itself.. that doesn't even count the tons of acting majors and tams that i cherish so much...i'm still an emotional mess as always..i got my first summer stock gig up in forestburgh, new york in the catskill mountains doing cats, oklahoma!, funny girl, and footloose.. i have a beautiul house next year with even more beautiful housemates. :-).

that's about it. life's pretty good, despite some minor things, but hey, no one's perfect.

love yall, hope everything is going well.

i'll be on here more considering i'm in new orleans. lol.

still missing you.

bedtime. nite.

"cause when i'm with you, you're the crescendo to that melody, that melody i love..."
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11:45pm 17/01/2007
mood: awake
hmm, so the internet hasn't worked the last few days.

i should fold my clothes.

i think i'm shipping a lot of stuff back to ithaca, because def can't fit it all in my suitcases.

i can't even.

i really wanna get my life together, again! come on, jer. focus. i have my audition stuff pretty ready, but not my movement scene, or my scene study monologues completely memorized.

got to talk to jeffy today, i miss hearing all of my friends' voices. ugh!!! i really wanna be back up there, but i am not in the mood to do all the work i have to do. and auditions, ugh..the most stressful week of the year other than finals week.

milliegraydon: haha we're such messpots
Scorpion455: yes we are, millie
milliegraydon: we wear it well
Scorpion455: no one wears it better
milliegraydon: seconded

she is my life. case closed.

listening to emo mix, otherwise known as the "joe mix" haha only referred to as such because i was loving these songs during the joe era of my life last year, mainly over this break. oh, life at the sheraton. too much was going on then. i can't even. well here's a shoutout to last year. bleh. done.

i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that this is one of my most pointless entries in history. yep.

i really havn't ever missed you more than i did when you left this time. huh. your texts make me smile like none other. :-)... i have no clue when i'm going to tell you. maybe i just never will. that doesn't really make sense in the master plan though. oh one day at a time. bleh.

oh, mills. what are we doing!?

gotta lose weight. yep. i better be cast this semester. i'm gonna flip if i'm not. ahhhh.

i really don't feel like having sex...like i have no real desire to. huh.

mom and jer day tomorrow. should be exciting. new clothes, shoes, ordering new uggs online, a fun lunch somewhere. so ready. i hope i get a new saints jersey, that would make my life.

why can't i sleep?

if i were millie i'd be reading, if i were hazel i'd be refusing to eat even though i'd be hungry, if i were patrick i'd be fixing a gin and tonic, and if i were ari i'd either be having sex or be out on the town.

but i'm just sitting....and talking. to joe of all people. so weird. huh.

i'm done here.

nite yall. xoxo

"another wasted breath, again it goes unnoticed..."
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and scene.   
02:16am 13/01/2007
mood: drained
ugh if i wasn't such a good performer, i'd be an amazing politician.

i'd be at a top university studying political science, then i'd breeze through my LSAT's and law school, pass the bar, and then come back to new orleans to run this place.

but sadly, i'd be miserable. successful, but miserable.

and i don't think it's too much to say i'm "such a good performer," because i am damnit. can't let myself forget that... my damn professors won't reassure me, so self-reassurance is the best there is.

i want to be a junior.

ugh this just reminded me that i had sixteen people in my class at this point a year ago, and now i have nine.


love yall.

i love my saints. get it boys!!!!!!!


"i dreamed of your name next to my own, but mine's looking fine up there alone!!"
02:01am 12/01/2007
mood: busy
oh lj.

i dunno why i havn't been posting, considering breaks are the only time that i really write in this thing.

anywhoo.. i realized today that i have a shitload of work to do before i go back to school (a week from sunday)...eshk. i think that if i read plays and memorize monologues instead of playing xbox, i'll get it all done though.

i also need to pick a second song for auditons...kind of. i dunno yet. lol.

not to mention my "anti-archetype" project for movement. i don't have time to read greek and shakespeare scenes to find "the warrior"...bleh. i'm so over it. and it doesn't help that the teacher is the bane of my fucking existence. not only does he keep me off the dean's list, by low-balling me with a B+, when an A- would have gotten me my damn 3.75+, but he forgets to email the majority of the class the project until TODAY and it's due in a little more than a week. hmmm he had all break, but ya know.

i'm really up in the air right now. i want to plan the rest of my life out right this second, and i know that's impossible. you can't blame me for trying though. is it bad that i've already made a list of potential people to marry?..it'll be legal by then, no worries. lol. but really, am i the only one who does that? because of the people i know RIGHT now, i think that i could spend the rest of my life with about one or two of them...really one lol. is that bad? let's look at it this way...i'm ab to be twenty...i should be def be done with the dating thing by the time i'm thirty. so now i have ten years to find a person, fall in love with them, HAVE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME, and then convince them that i'm not too crazy to wake up to every morning. ha. i think the odds are in favor of picking through the ones you already know. bleh. we'll see. esp after this weekend...

on a seemingly lighter note, what am i gonna do if i don't get summer stock? lord.

anywhoo, i think my life archetype would have to be "the friend." or the "trickster" or something like that. never the lover, never the hero, never the villian, and obviously never the warrior... hmm. yep def the friend.

why can't we change our archetypes? would we be someone else, or just seem that way to others? and if we could change our archetypes, what would we pick? we must be what we are for a reason, for balance in the world i guess. however, last time i checked, balance was the main thing this world was lacking...

lord, the latter part of this entry is way too carrie bradshaw-esque of me.

lol nite yall. will update soon. tomorrow's line-up: nocca (scheduling my "master classes," gossiping with blake, planning lunch next week, and visiting my babies), food, mall, calling my friend ali from school who's in town, visiting post-surgery pat, reading one play, picking my last song, and planning the weekend. it's gonna be an adventure.

9 days til i'm back. wow.

"i just died in your arms tonight, it must have been some kind of kiss..."
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"let me be your ride out of town..."   
02:55am 28/12/2006
mood: awake
had such a nice day.

spent it with kallie, chels, kelly, and beau.

lunch at sunray..magazine st. window shopping...coffee..more coffee..


i don't really know what i'm after right now. i'll know before i go back to school, and it'll prob get real. but that's okay. i love when it does. lol

okay audition songs, i think i have them down, but i need to start practicing. i hate auditions.

gotta send in my shit for strawhats/netcs. lala. must do that tomorrow.

i think im gonna play some madden before i go to bed.

ps - i love amazon.com...i just spent way too much money without getting out my bed.

pps - if you call me before 11am i will not answer my phone...if you call me before noon, i may answer my phone, but i will be pissed bc you woke me up...i will most likely answer the phone any time after 12pm; however, that is not set in stone. thank you. :-)

and no, pat, texas in the summer is NOT cool. lol. 80's nite tomorrow!! yeaahh!

strangely enough, i don't really miss you at all. huh.

nite, bitches. xoxo

"get the car packed and throw me the key...run away with me..."
i'll be home soon...   
05:14am 23/12/2006
mood: awake
just about to finish packing to go home.

it's about fucking time...

2 days before christmas...what is up with that?

ps - happy bday millie!! :-) ill call you during an appropriate hour of the day.

i want to be home NOW.

gonna go wash my sheets and such. yay.

i'll be in new orleans at like 6:30 pm. give me two good hours to get settled and then call me.



"come to my window, i'll be home soon..."
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we could leave this town and run forever...   
03:35am 24/11/2006
mood: nostalgic

happy thanksgiving. the parade was awesome - i love that all the bway shows perform at the very beginning now. it gave me time to take a nap towards the end. great day though. lots of football... too much foood.. and a really nice nap. ps - grey's was amazing tonight. AMAZING. i love that show.

stayed home from 80's nite.

going shopping at 6am. i'm excited. are you?

i have to pack tomorrow. break was too short.

i think i have a crush. help?

this song is so me and ari in the mini at night driving around town with the windows rolled down and cigarettes in our hands, bitching about how much everyone else sucked. waiting for patrick and hazel to finish having sex, and millie to get out of her house. i miss being that age sometimes.

too much on my plate: analysis, review, juries, summer stock auditons, boys? oh life. what are you doing to me..and why isn't is christmas now?

it needs to be snowing in ithaca when i get back.

nite, bitches.


"let your waves crash down on me and take me away, yeah.."
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"how do you tell someone?"   
08:18pm 22/11/2006
mood: yeppp.
hey, lj. it's been a while.

home for thanksgiving...yay. having a nice time. i wish i got more sleep though, im over waking up early.

got a haircut today...i kinda like it short.

anywhoo. i have a lot of work to do...i really need to get started on my analysis, i have to read damn creating a role again and highlight it this time for my final, read spoon river anthology and do a ton of other shit. i actually think im gonna get the most homework done tomorrow, how weird is that?

so glad that i got to see my babies at nocca the other day with spanish, kallie, and kelly. we loooved it. they are all so cute. got to eat with some of them afterwards.. that was nice. i wish i had time to see their show, but i won't be here then. fjasljfs. but it looks great, congrats, darlings!!

now i'm watching csi which i never watch, but the first scene really got me into this episode.. hmm. new show?

i hope things go well this time, bleh. who really knows. i don't know what i'm doing with my life. i really should just let go and see what comes, but who does that? not me. i really hate being me sometimes.

but i love school, and secretly miss it. i just hate the workload, but i miss being in my room with the ppl i love the most just being dumb. ::sigh::

review is coming up (crosses fingers)... i hope everything goes well for all of us.

i'm really tired, dunno why.

millie should be calling me soon. can't wait to go out tonite.

i need a daquiri.

looove yall. xoxo

i will update in this thing more often. hopefully.

i wish everyone knew who cowboy mouth was.

"your name is written on my soul in alphabetic file..."
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next time.   
04:43am 09/09/2006
mood: drunk
i love sophomore year. got so trashed tonight.

i don't understand boys. homosexuals in general. or maybe i just don't understand myself. hmmm.


life is good, grand actually. classes are going well. the bff's are still amazing, the weather's beautiful. my new voice teacher kicks ass.

ps - this is me being so over the single life.

but not over the simple life. it's pretty much all my roomate and i do. that and sleep. loves it.

oh well, i'm not gonna write a mopey, sad, drunk entry. just going to bed, and syracuse in 4 hours. should be classy. xoxo


"love me, love me, pretend that you love me..."
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aint no other man.   
01:02am 26/08/2006
mood: excited
oh lord.

a plane to catch in a few hours..then i'm back in beautiful ithaca, new york.

this was a good summer. so much quality time. so many new relationships. nocca, summer lyric, time with the ones who make me smile the most. thank you all for one of the best summers i've had in a while. loove.

but yeah. i wanna be in class.

move in is gonna be crazy tomorrow.. me, alana, and our moms. AND i'm gonna miss the fucking saints game.

i just wanna be settled in up there, that's all. i hope it all gets done in one day.

auditions sunday are gonna be fun. i like being a sophomore...i think.

my family really makes me laugh, but i like them all a lot more over the phone, i've noticed. dad is funnier on the phone, mom is more understanding.. and ash... well no i like her the same pretty much always.

just got off the phone with hazel. umm ps, millie, you should call me more often, you aren't doing jack shit in that apartment but drinking wine and eating cheese, don't even pretend like you are. have fun at orientation though!!!

i said bye to pat today and then we started laughing, as if i won't see him tomorrow.

passed by nocca, but i was waaay late bc of crackhead metairie traffic!! uggghh! so to all of my 1-4'ers.. i love youuu all!! and i will def come visit at thanksgiving.

i like being packed, but i hate packing my laptop bc it really mean's its over. sigh. oh well i have to go over my monologue a few times in my head b4 bedtime. long day of flying, airport chinese, jet blue direct tv, reading, monologue-ing, ipod, laughing with the girls. i am so fucking excited right now. so excited to see hill and mer and everyoneee and decorate the room with jeffy.. do homework with kyle.. watch jeopardy with lar. jaldfjasl ahhhh yes. get it sophomores.

god i just pictured how pretty the view of ithaca is when you are on the highway coming and over the hill, and how the sunlight reflects off the lake and jfdlajfl;dsafa.

nite. :-)

"and everytime i see you everything starts making sense..."
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so long sweet summer...   
01:21am 24/08/2006
mood: calm
"i stumbled upon you and gratefully bask in your rays..."

shipped a lot of stuff the other day. eeshk.

bought a beautiful new suit today. new tights and such tomorrow with pat..also passing by lakeside to pick up a few things: new jeans, another blazer, a few button downs? lala.

project runway without the crew is def not as fun. bleh.

i know my monologue. work.

my aunt's phone ring is your old one. i almost threw up everytime someone called her today, which was far too many times.

waking up early to go get a few things to decorate my room. haha i miss those kids so much.

god. 2 days. already halfway packed.

i need to have lunch with blake.

going to nocca on friday for a second.

i miss listening to this silly majority dashboard/death cab mix


"it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away, when i am missing you to death.."
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put on your sunday clothes.   
06:32am 20/08/2006
mood: in need of caffeine
stayed up all night and about to leave for church.

should be an interesting day.

i am now in love with mario kart.. for gamecube and old school N64.

did more packing. yay fedex.

voice lesson with mr. b in 5 hours and 30 mins. hmm i may not sound too cute.

gym was nice yesterday..must go again today. getting in shape is dumb.. i shouldn't have gotten out of it in the first place! damn new orleans food!! fjlsajfls

monologue today.

posting a to-do list for the week later. lets hope i get it all done.

god fletcher mackel on channel 6 is hott.

what will i do if my lips get chapped on the plane? i can't bring carmex anymore. eeek.


delerious. i really like natasha bedingfield. or watever her name is.

time for baptists.

"today is where your book begins..the rest is still unwritten..."
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01:55am 17/08/2006
mood: cheerful

haha another great night of television at the langhoff abode.

YES BENJI WONNNNNN!!! wooohoo so you think you can dance?! amazing... and then project runway.. im sad that allison got the boot, but vincent's was innovative, even though the model couldn't fucking walk in the dress. she was the worst one this week though..just sucks for her, bc her stuff in the past was pretty nice. oh well!!

yaay ari, millie, spanish, gabby, meggie, and josh smith!! nice night.

i love getting drunk off of wine. yes.

okay, i really wanna go back to school, but like i don't wanna move in! it's gonna take me SOOO long to get stuff situated perfectly the want that i want to, and i've got auditions from 1-6 the day after i get there!!! WTF!?!?! lord, i guess it'll be okay, i kinda already have it in mind, and ill have jeffy set it up the way i want it, so that when i get there it'll all be set up the way i want it. **crosses fingers**

ari, i'm coming over tomorrow, so wake me up! mmks! :-) xoxo

i need to have sex again really badly right now. ahhhh. okay, done.

i feel on top of the world though. i need to pass by nocca sometime this week and get music from jefferson. yes, must do that. and call the bank...and pack...and ship stuff. did i mention i love living across the country from where i go to school? haha.

80's night tomorrow!! we're sooo gonna go all out for it!! YESSS.. even though it's my second to last one, not my last lol, but stil!!!

i already miss some people. poop.

i forgot how much i liked this album...i still need to read the fucking book, but that's on the back-burner until i learn my fucking monologue. lala! i'm so non-chalant about auditions right now!! i don't have sophomore "smug-ness" but i'm just totally not nervous. so exited though.

okay, sounds like bedtime at a reasonable hour tonight, meaning before the today show comes on. haha.

nite, all. xoxo

"i wanna have sex tonight!!!"
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"je suis whore!!!"   
07:56am 16/08/2006
mood: bouncy
hello, lj!!

i'm on firefox!! i kinda like it. it's going a little slow again! dunno what that's about!! hmm.


good day today!! lots of zoo with the langhoffs and josh smith, then time at pat, john, kathy, and friends. haha woohoo N64. sooo much fun.

ps - ari, where are you!?!?

lala fun times.

yaay [title of show] loves it!!! thanks mills!!! no vampires!!

okay, im gonna go fiddle with the computer and stay up for a few more hours, then pass out.

my aim seems broken.. hmm.

must learn monologue!!! FDJLASJFLS

haha nite, darlings! xoxo

EDIT: so it's like 6:36 in the morning and i'm still awake. shut up, boddy jindal! i don't care that you delivered your own fucking baby!!! that is NOT news. good lord. why don't you go not be a career politician somewhere other than the u.s. house of representatives...so over him. blah. haha good morning all. someone pleae wake me up later today so i don't sleep my life away. thanks. xoxo

"i would know confidence if i knew my way back to then.."
insomnia, whats new?   
02:45am 13/08/2006
mood: awake
i miss yoga. a lot.

ps...i feel sooo much blacker for watching run's house on mtv. yes.

i started a combo to "S.O.S" today. it's fun. god, i'm a dork. then snowballs with spanish..saw "mayor" nagin. blah.

the saints won tonitee!! woohooo.

i hate having to go to church for 7 in the morning. it ruins my saturday nights. wish i were drunk right now...die baptists.

gym tomorrow bt mr. b and all night strut with kallie, millie, and co. then sing-a-long i guess.. lord. i have too much to do. still have to learn monologue, and practice auditon song with mr. b. next weekend, hope he's here. lol. if not i'm totally calling jefferson. haha.

okay..i'm tired.

i love when scarlett is the only one awake with me at these ridiculous hours of the night.

xoxo yall.

"why do all my dreams extend just around the riverbend?"
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oh what a night.   
03:34am 11/08/2006
mood: calm

so home, a little tipsy, not drunk this time. yay.

nice 80's nite..."S.O.S." came on in the car ride home just now, yess. i'm such a sap, fucking aries fairytale romance shit!! ahhhh

and ps - i sweeped a couple of categories in double jeopardy today, and got the final jeopardy question. proving that, kids, no matter how many musical theatre classes you take in college, if you were smart in high school, you stay smart. yesss.

...words of wisdom...okay secretly drunk, but i can type. and drive. lol not at the same time though. oh yes, and title of show rocks.

sleeping on the couch tonite...ash is in my bed and i dont wanna wake her with the keyboard clicking and mad about you marathons..i worship Nick at Nite. i have a new mud mask...it's glorius.

i don't feel fat today. work.

gym and spa tomorrow with ash, and then $400 shoe shopping with daddy. i miss saks..damn hurricane. but rubenstein bros. will do. :-)

sometimes i'm a spoiled little rich kid, and sometimes i'm not. tomorrow is a spoiled day. :-)

oh well. bedtime.

i hate being an aries sometimes. nite.

"and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly..."
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come down from the tree.   
01:01am 09/08/2006
mood: silly
so i changed my lj layout, but now i can't see icons on my friends page. so other than that i'm really happy with the new layout and such.


did a lot of nothing once again today. yay jer!!


but tubing tomorrow all day..then project runway!! woohooo!!!

oooh i did watch big brother tonite! haha SOOOO good. i love speakerphone convos with scarlett and her mom. they are my life.

i should go find a monologue some day soon. lalalala. :-)

this song reminds me of vicki..lol well she did sing it and kicked ass.

i feel so silly right now. oh well..shower time!!!

"when i found my love, the rest of my life was clear..."
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lavender blue. lavender green.   
02:32am 08/08/2006
mood: bouncy
okay, so i'm trying to pull an all-nighter so i can go to sleep tom nite at an okay time and be back on track for life. it's gonna be tough, considering this is the most exhausted i've ever been at 2ish. blah.

okay, so newsradio is on nick at nite now..so excited. it was a really great show. thank god for nick at nite. i now have reasons to stay up til 5am.

project runway tomorrow.. drama. yes.

yay gym.

need to get audition stuff together, not to mention "Nacht und Traume" - damn german piece for my make-up jury in september, but its okayy..voice lesson and wine with mr. b. this weekend. woohoo!!

god 18 days until i go back. so many things to do. i hope i'm not the only one in my class who hasn't touched the piano since may. haha scratch that. i know i'm not. god i miss them!!!

the disappearing liberal intellectual is getting really good. i love books, but they put me to sleep.

xbox and text twist all nite? guess so.

nite yall.

"here's where she meets prince charming, but she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three..."
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12:18am 06/08/2006
mood: sleepy
haha such a silly day. i didn't do a damn thing. last nite was fun though.

i just realized that my body can't get trashed two nights in a row! i don't have it in me anymore.. lord i'm getting old.

my dad is really weird. he's flipping out about taking pictures of our house tomorrow. he needs them to be really good and needs to have them by monday morning. if these pictures are SO important, why are we waiting until now to take them? and hes like "are you sure we can print them on (his best friend)'s computer?! what if the technology messes up. blahblahblah." if they are THAT important, don't make me take them on my digital camera, when my printer is in ithaca. don't you think you would take control of such a situation yourself? maybe buy a disposable camera and take the pictures last week..or even tomorrow!! 1-hour photo at EVERY walgreens, dad.

so let's just pray that tomorrow is a drama-free day in this household. lord.

my sister comes home in 5 days. thank god.

sing-a-long-sundays tom. nite as usual. always a blast.

go see the nola project's cloud nine...it was great.

i really wanna go shopping this week. retail therapy is glorius.

i love when mom comes in my room and talks to me while looking out of my window.. gotta love her.

nite. xoxo

"tomorrow's a day of mine that you won't be in..."
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